Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin - 9780618758197 - Compare Prices on New & Used Textbooks, Cheap Textbooks

A groundbreaking and truly stepmother-centered way of understanding the tensions that seem to define relations between women and their stepchildren

Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. And what woman with stepchildren has not—in order to defuse the often overwhelming challenges of the role—referred to herself as a "stepmonster"?

As Hope Edelman does in her book for motherless daughters, Wednesday Martin’s empowering and original Stepmonster unlocks the emotional mysteries of why stepmothers think and feel and act the way they do. Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother, interviews with other stepmothers and stepchildren, and fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology to reveal the little-understood realities of this most demanding role.

Stepmonster illuminates the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the challenges they encounter, identifies the "Five Step-Dilemmas That Create Conflict," and considers the emotional and social challenges men with children face when they remarry.

Finally, in an unexpected twist, Martin shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is our single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.

		Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin ISBN-10: 9780618758197 ISBN-10: 0-618-75819-4 ISBN-13: 9780618758197 ISBN-13: 978-0-618-75819-7 Hardcover 2009-05-04 Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Find Lowest Price
Editorials

Product Description A groundbreaking and truly stepmother-centered way of understanding the tensions that seem to define relations between women and their stepchildren Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. And what woman with stepchildren has not—in order to defuse the often overwhelming challenges of the role—referred to herself as a "stepmonster"? As Hope Edelman does in her book for motherless daughters, Wednesday Martin’s empowering and original Stepmonster unlocks the emotional mysteries of why stepmothers think and feel and act the way they do. Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother, interviews with other stepmothers and stepchildren, and fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology to reveal the little-understood realities of this most demanding role. Stepmonster illuminates the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the challenges they encounter, identifies the "Five Step-Dilemmas That Create Conflict," and considers the emotional and social challenges men with children face when they remarry. Finally, in an unexpected twist, Martin shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is our single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.
Reviews

The very best As a stepmother to three young boys, I own around thirty books on step-parenting. This is unquestionably the best of them, neither dourly negative nor unrealistically rah-rah positive, with all the pressure to be perfect and quell inner conflict that such an attitude from authors can place on stepmothers. It may well have saved my relationship. Not precisely a how-to or self-help book, this book tells you not so much what to do as why we stepmothers struggle with our roles. Stepmothering is completely different to being a stepfather; it is so important to seek out stepmother-specific resources. Buy this book; you'll be so glad you did. Buy it now. Buy it before you need it. Because you will. (For a more hands-on, practical self-help style book on stepmothering, I recommend Ron L. Deal's "The Smart Stepmom". It is very strongly Christian in outlook (I'm agnostic), but the writers really understand stepmother challenges and have some great suggestions, so if you're not looking for faith-based resources it is still worth reading.)
A much appriciated dose of truth! I literally was browsing at the library for another book when the title "Stepmonster" jumped out at me. Being on the cusp of becoming a step-mother to three girls, I've felt really lost on how to handle the task and how to make sure we all survive the process. I'd like to think by reading this book now, I stand a better chance of coping with the girls, my love, and my own feelings (not necessarily in that order). Wednesday is blunt, but always with a valid issue. It's refreshing to read a book on step-families that doesn't place the future joy of the children and family squarely on my (the step-mother's) shoulders. It has been hard to put the book down, and I'm on here to purchase my own copy as my library copy is fast coming due. This is the book I plan to keep handy for when I need to know I'm not alone in my feelings or what I'm dealing with as a step-mother.
Feminist [...] Wednesday Martin lists Step-Dilemma Number One as "The Myth of the Blended Family" in this emotionally charged look into the real experiences of stepmothers: Stepmonster. She writes, "The blended family myth depends on and derives its potency from another myth, a notion just as widely embraced, just as dearly cherished, and just as fantastical-namely, that all women should love all children all the time." Interviews with stepmothers of all ages and experiences revealed to her how common some of the feelings and contradictions are for anyone who takes on this role. Pulled between a new marriage, the ex, and children who aren't mature enough to perceive the complexities of the situation everyone is in often make for a powder keg of negative feelings that are utterly taboo to express. Unlike new mothers, who can share their burdens by commiserating about how rough it is to lose sleep, stepmothers are faced with looks of horror if they dare admit any aspect of their new lives might be less than perfect-or a complete disaster on a daily basis. Stepmonster came about after this Yale-educated woman with a doctorate in comparative literature married a man with two teenage daughters and, (surprise!) had a rough time adjusting and overcoming the desire to make everything... blend. She uses her own nine year experience as the kindling for an in-depth study into the half-truths and sociological myths underlying-and thereby negatively effecting-women who attempt to situate themselves into the stepmother role. Fairy tales, sociobiology, and a genuine understanding and empathy all make this an essential read for anyone about to enter into, or already steeped in, the maze of the stepmother role. As an adult stepchild, I have recently become very close with my own stepmother after years of virtual estrangement. Reading this really opened my eyes to a lot of my own behavior as an adolescent that kept her at arm's length without my having even been aware of it. The nature of a divorce and remarriage is so intricate and emotionally complex, and involves so many aspects of the both new partner's self-image and the formulation of the pre-existing children's identities, that it is daunting to unravel. Our culture has a tendency to be overly child centered. Mothering my four year old twins, I see that my rose-colored glasses about what it is like to raise children were idealized, fantastical notions of nurture over nature. I believed if you treat a child like Buddha, Buddha they will be. Reading this book only gave me a glimpse into how difficult it might be to negotiate one's position in a dynamic already haunted by past family habits; a family that did not manage to successfully work things out. This book is an important addition to the literature of motherhood that has been so popular in recent years. As we allow ourselves to admit that motherhood consists of messes and calamities alongside the miracles and tears of joy, we must also admit that "blended" families are not formed overnight, if ever. Some children never forgive their parents for perceived injustices of childhood, and sometimes, it is not the parents' job to fix everything for their children.
Reading At The Beach: Reviews This is a wonderful book that should be read by parents of step children. The author has packed a wealth of information between the covers, information that can save the relationship of a parent and their step child, as well as the bioligical parent and the step parent. There are four parts to this book: Part 1: The Stepmothering Script Part 2: Remarriage Realities Part 3: Perspectives Part 4: Risks and Rewards At the end is a section of Notes, Bibliography and the Index. I have always believed that a step parent has a huge impact on a child and this book should be given to every person who applies for a marriage license to someone who already has children. The author has done a great job and has even thrown some humor in this very serious subject. I highly recommend this book.
Good Positive Suggestions Wish I had this book when I was a stepmonster. Just knowing I wasn't alone in the "battle" would have helped. Most important is advise to the father that he needs to let the children know Mom is staying, sooner or later the children will go.